Kyle’s Can Kick Ass Too!
Written on Fri, Jun 29, 2012 by Kyle
A few weeks ago during our podcast Marc did his improvised introductions linking himself and Matt with celebrities with the same first name. When my turn came, things became silent. We all came up short thinking up famous people with the first name Kyle. This urks me because it’s not the first time my name has put me in an awkward spot. One of my favorite comedians –George Carlin- had a bit where he went over names that he was sick of hearing. Like Todd, Tucker and you guessed it, Kyle. One of my idols thought I had a soft name.
Well no more. I present to you now… my list of the five most bad-ass characters to ever be named Kyle. These five stand as proof that at least in the realm of fiction, people named Kyle are forces to be reckoned with.
5) Kyle Broflovski.
This Kyle is typically a mainstay as the voice of reason for everyone else. However when the circumstances demand it, he’s shown he can stand and fight. We’ve seen multiple episodes (of South Park, that is…) where Kyle puts Cartman in his place (Christmas in Canada, Cartoon Wars). The best moment comes for me in ‘It’s a Jersey Thing’, when Kyle embraces his Jersey heritage and takes down a rat-like Snooki creature. He does so, for attacking his friends. He kills the she-beast coldly, and potently. As all Kyles would. This is one red-headed day-walking Jew that should not be messed with.
4) Kyle Gass.
Technically not a fictional character, I know, but he’s part of the greatest rock duo that’s ever existed–Tenacious D. This, as well as being a co-star on the hit HBO series and subsequent movie (which was far less a hit… obviously because Kyle didn’t get enough screen time). Among KG’s accomplishments? The taming of Sasquatch, successful theft from the Rock and Roll hall of fame, and of course teaching Jack Black how to rock on stage. Without him, old Jables might still be sucking wind on Venice Beach.
And while some might point to Gass’ wimpy nature when the chips are down… but when the band has it’s back against a wall? He’s always ready to play his heart out, and defeat the Demonic Horde… Leaving their smoking entrails in the wake of his rocking solos.
3) Kyle Rayner
He might not be the most famous Green Lantern. Or the smartest. Or the strongest. Honestly his first appearance involved being told ‘you’ll have to do’ before getting the last Green Lantern ring. To that though, I say poppycock! He’s the same Green Lantern that restarted the Corps itself, hosted the avatar of Will (Ion) and has avenged the death of every single on of his murdered girl friends (5 at last count). All Hal’s done lately is get fired, and be Sinestro’s lap dog. Kyle’s leading his own team of rogue Lanterns across space. Natch.
2) Kyle Gibney aka Wild Child
This beastly mutant first came from the Marvel Age of Apocalypse storyline as a feral son of Sabretooth… that was chained to his dad’s arm like a dog. When that universe ended, he was lucky enough (or popular enough, depending how you look at it) to make it out of that reality. Most recently he’s been a member of X-Factor and passed the ultimate test of trying to win more fans- beating Wolverine. A task that’s also recently been accomplished by Cyclops, Hope Summers, Captain America and Squirrel Girl. So, maybe not the biggest accomplishment… but it’s more than his dad has done lately.
No matter though, due to his ability to survive in a harsh world where Apocalypse is in charge, and his knack for going wild-dog crazy on anyone in his path… he earns a dog tag that says ‘Bad Ass’.
1) Kyle Reese
The main hero from the first Terminator movie and a resonating presence through the rest of the franchise… Kyle Reese was the first person we saw fight off killer robots from the future. Not only that, he did it with weapons he cobbled together in the 1980′s. While he might not have been able to bring a laser rifle with him, he will forever be remembered as the man who taught us to tie a rope to our sawed-off shot guns so we don’t lose them.
As the man taught Sara Connor- “Our only fate is what we make.” And he made himself a bad ass.
So… do you know any other Kick-Ass-Kyles? Comment below. Viva la Kyle!